this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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