saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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