our cab driver is having phone sex.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
