the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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