So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
