Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
