bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
