So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
