I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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