It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize