you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
