I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize