Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
