as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
jump out the window naked night went bad
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
