DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Randomize
