When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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