So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
