If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
