I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
