Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
