i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
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So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
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Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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