i think my mom watched the whole time
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
