She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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