why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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