I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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