So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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