Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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