I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize