Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
