i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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