escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I showed him my bush... on skype.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My bed is full of blood and feathers
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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