just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
