I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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