I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
