this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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