thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
