One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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