Buhtt sex?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
