U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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