I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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