even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
