My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
