Plan B is the new Plan A
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
