oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
