if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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