i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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