she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
