would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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