I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
