The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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