Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
