Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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