worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize