you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
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there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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