It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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