Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i was born a porn star she said
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
