Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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