He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
