omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
