I'm gonna have a badass scar
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
