the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
