If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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