she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
