Even the bartender felt bad for me
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
