I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
