is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
