Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
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