Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
