Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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