I feel great
I just peed on a car
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
