I will die if light touches me.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Do vagina's smell?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
