made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
