she woke up with a sticky ear
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
