she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
