My friends, they love my intelligence
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Randomize
