I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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