He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
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I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
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Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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