why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
