went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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