C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I did not marry a roomba.
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