I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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