I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Houston, we have a blender
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
