I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize